


A familiar face

by bodhirookandor



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LMAO, M/M, anyway i love them, so much, wow this was supposed to be 1k
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 23:12:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10886883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodhirookandor/pseuds/bodhirookandor
Summary: They meet that night, in a seedy bar in the middle of nowhere. Cassian is undercover, a different name, a different life, a different person, sitting in a shitty bar and drinking shitty alcohol to blend in. That’s when he sees him, sitting amongst other people, laughing as though he has no trouble in the world. He’s a pilot, a face like all the others, wearing a uniform that sets Cassian’s teeth on edge.





	A familiar face

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I hope y'all like this. This is honestly was interesting to write and idk how well I executed all of the things I wanted to but let me know how you think it is! comments make me smile :)
> 
> CW: For references/allusions to self harm and also suicide (this last one is not at all explicitly stated, and is more a passing observation of scars and bruising). I should have put that on there and I thought I did but I guess I didn't. That's what the "violence" tag is for. There's nothing else really for it-we don't exactly have a self harm warning tag.

_They meet that night, in a seedy bar in the middle of nowhere. Cassian is undercover, a different name, a different life, a different person, sitting in a shitty bar and drinking shitty alcohol to blend in. That’s when he sees him, sitting amongst other people, laughing as though he has no trouble in the world. He’s a pilot, a face like all the others, wearing a uniform that sets Cassian’s teeth on edge._

_  
Their eyes lock, a glance, a whisper of something. Cassian turns away and then he’s there, a twitch of his fingers, a cough to clear his throat and then he smiles. It’s slow, rippling across his face and lighting his eyes. It’s soft, unguarded and so honest that it makes Cassian’s heart twinge.  
  
“Hi,” he says, voice shaking with nerves, “I’m Bodhi.” He holds out his hand, steady despite the clear anxiety rolling off him. Cassian feels his lips twitch up in response, feels a part of him relax involuntarily. Nothing seems like it’s in his control and maybe it’s the alcohol in his system, or maybe it’s the fact that no one’s ever looked at him with such honest curiosity; Cassian doesn’t know, but he finds himself grabbing the hand and shaking it.  
  
“Hi,” he breathes, a flicker of interest unfurling in his belly, “I’m Joreth.”  
_   

* * *

 

“You have news from Jedha?” Cassian asks Tivik, glancing around him before refocusing on the man in front of him.  
  
“An imperial pilot, one of the cargo drivers.” Tivik begins, tucked in on himself and voice shaking, “He defected yesterday. He’s telling,” Tivik breaks out into a laugh, hysterical and terrified, “he’s telling people they’re making a weapon. That’s what they need the kyber crystals for. They’re making a planet killer.” Cassian stares at him, looks deep into the other man’s eyes and realizes the truth.  
  
“Someone named Erso sent him, some old friend of Saw’s.” Tivik continues, words tripping over themselves as he tries to make his point. The name reverberates in Cassian’s head and he swallows, his mouth suddenly dry.  
  
“Galen Erso? You mean Galen Erso the imperial engineer? Who else knows about this?” Something like dread and hope cling to his insides, but Cassian doesn’t speak about it-refuses to give in to it.  
  
“What’s all this? Come on, let’s see some scandocs.” A mechanical voice behind them says and Cassian closes his eyes.  
  
‘I’m sorry,’ he thinks, to who he doesn’t know. Maybe Tivik, maybe the soldiers, maybe himself.  
  
‘I’m sorry.’  
  
Cassian turns around and shoots. 

* * *

   
_“You know,” Bodhi says, for the second time that they see each other, “this cannot be coincidence.” The words are playful, caressing the side of Cassian’s face. A smile almost twitches on his lips, before he forces himself to remain neutral. They’re in a different planet, in a different system and Cassian can’t help the part of him that whispers that this could be fate somehow. He glances at Bodhi, sees the imperial insignia on his arm, ripped and frayed though it may be, and swallows._

_No, it’s not fate._

_“What do you want Rook?” The words come out harsh, guttural and frustrated. Bodhi flinches back, confusion and hurt swimming in his eyes. Cassian clenches his teeth, facing ahead of him. Maybe if he kept this up, Bodhi would leave. His glances around himself, searching for his target when he feels Bodhi sit next to him.  
  
“Do you normally invade people’s space?” He asks, biting and hoping Bodhi would get the hint. Dear God, why doesn’t he get that Cassian doesn’t want him here-that he couldn’t have him here?  
  
“Say you want me to leave, and I will.” Bodhi challenges, his eyes fierce, even though he’s hunched on himself slightly. His entire body language is filled with contradictions and Cassian can’t get a read on it. Bodhi’s chin juts out, eyes flashing with lightning even as his fingers tap his wrist. Cassian clenches his jaw and turns away.  
  
They sit like that for hours. Cassian doesn’t dare acknowledge how nice it feels.  
  
_

* * *

   
He stares down at the body in front of him, blood roaring in his ears like an oncoming hurricane. Bile rises in his throat, rips at his insides and tears through him. Tears, corrosive and burning, enters his eyes and Cassian reminds himself to take a deep breath. He can barely breathe around the lump in his throat.

‘I’m sorry,’ he thinks, taking a deep breath and turning away from the body.  
  
‘I’m sorry.’  
  


* * *

   
_They meet again on a different planet, in a different time, both of them angrier and more guarded than before. Their eyes meet at the same time and that same magnetism rises. Bodhi is the one that walks over to him, fingers playing with the cuff of his imperial suit. Cassian sets his jaw and watches him come, briefly entertaining the idea of walking away._

_He stands still, heart pounding in his ears.  
  
Bodhi’s closer now, and this time Cassian can see the cuts that adorn his face, the bruises on his fingers and neck. He wants to ask, wants to say something. But he stays quiet.  
  
“Hey,” Bodhi whispers, sliding up next to him. “It’s been a while.” Cassian nods his head.  
  
“It has.”  
  
Bodhi doesn’t say anything, fingers now tapping his wrist. Cassian looks down and then back up, taking in the cuts on the other man’s face.  
  
“What happened?” Cassian asks without meaning to. Bodhi smiles, although it’s more sarcastic and angrier than before. A part of Cassian, the one whose hope runs red, whose optimism still persists despite all that he’s witnessed, weeps.  
  
“A lot of things have happened.” He spits the words out, raw and hurt and Cassian feels an echo of his own pain. He raises his hand, hovers it above Bodhi’s and then places it back down to his side.  
  
Neither one of them speak.  
  
_

* * *

   
Cassian enters his ship, jaw clenched and heart weeping. Numbness crawls up his chest, expanding to the rest of his body. It’s cold-or at least he thinks it’s cold. He can never really tell anymore. Kay doesn’t say anything for a second, merely staring at him for a long moment. Cassian knows exactly what he’s thinking.

  
“No,” he says, for what feels like the millionth time. The words come out rough, jagged with serrated edges. Kay still doesn’t say anything and the silence that descends upon the two of them is thick, oppressive.  
  
“We’re going to find Erso’s daughter.” Cassian says to break the silence, eyes staring straight ahead of him even though he can feel Kay’s incredulous stare.  
  
“ _Erso_? You mean B-”  
  
“ _Yes_ , Kay, that one.” Kay nods once, turns around and starts calibrating for their jump into hyperspace.  
  


* * *

   
_He sees Bodhi first this time and his breath catches in his throat. Bodhi’s alone, sitting in front of his ship and staring at it with an expression that Cassian, for all his expertise, cannot place. His heart pangs, once, twice, three times, before Cassian makes the decision to walk over._

_  
He knows he’s a fool, but he can’t leave, not when Bodhi looks like that. A part of him wonders why he’s even bothering, why an imperial would make him feel this way. He doesn’t think too deeply about the answer.  
  
“Hello,” he whispers, standing next Bodhi’s sitting form. The pilot jumps slightly, swinging his head to look at Cassian before his gaze drops. He glances around himself before moving slightly to make room for Cassian.  
  
“Hey,” Bodhi whispers back, not looking at him and Cassian feels the irrational need to put his fingers under the other man’s chin and turn his face to him. He looks down and notices the cuts on Bodhi’s wrists, the jagged lines that cascade across each finger. Looking up, he notices the imperial insignia is scratched, frayed and washed out. There are cuts around the edges, as though it had been ripped.  
  
“Doesn’t that go against regulation?” He asks, although knowing the answer. Bodhi doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even turn to look at him. The silence between them stretches, growing uncomfortable for the first time Cassian had known Bodhi.  
  
“It does.” Bodhi says at last, gaze ahead of him and hands curling into fists. Blood pools from the cuts, but Bodhi doesn’t flinch. Cassian looks at it for a second and nods, slowly unfurling the first aid kit from his bag. His hand hovers over Bodhi’s hand for a second, before he swallows and gently takes hold of his wrist.  
  
“Okay,” he whispers, slowly wrapping the appendage. When he’s done, he lets it go. Or at least, he tries to, Bodhi grabs hold of his hand and interlocks their fingers. Cassian stares at it, looks up at Bodhi, only to see he’s not looking at him.  
  
He swallows once and squeezes Bodhi’s hand softly. Bodhi turns to look at him and Cassian gasps. Dark brown eyes, filled with tears that will never fall, stare back at him. They’re deep and impossibly large, desperate and terrified but resolute. Bodhi looks at him and squeezes his hand.  
  
Cassian can feel himself fall, slowly and then all at once.  
  
_

* * *

   
He listens with half an ear as they interrogate Jyn Erso about her father and Saw. Her body is tense, ready and willing to fight, even though her voice is tired, filled to the brim with exhaustion. Her head is up, words acidic, even though her tone trembles just slightly. Cassian can see the rage, the grief, and the desperation that’s wrapped around her neck like a scarf.

  
She agrees to get them a meeting with Saw, and Cassian can already feel the headache building behind his eyes.  
  
Draven catches up with him as they get ready to depart, and gives him his new order. The words slither out of the man’s mouth, cold and logical and Cassian understands exactly where the man is coming from. He nods, jaw clenched even as his heart wept. Galen Erso would die by his hand.  
  


* * *

   
_Neither of them speak about what happened that day, the way their hands stayed together, warm and complete in a way they hadn’t before felt. Neither of dare utter the words that bubble in their throat, the unspoken emotion tense and hot between them._

_  
They don’t talk about it; a part of Cassian wants them to.  
  
They’re sitting down in front of Bodhi’s ship again. Bodhi’s staring ahead of him, mouth curled into a frown. There are more cuts on his wrist, some on his face, scratches line his cheeks-some raw, others scabbed over like they’ve been there for years. Cassian’s heart burns with the need to know, and the desperate hope that it’s not what he thinks it is.  
  
“I hate them,” Bodhi whispers, more to himself than to Cassian.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I hate them, I hate-” Bodhi cuts himself off and laughs, hollow and ear piercing. Cassian clenches his teeth.  
  
“The Empire.” He doesn’t say it like a question, but Bodhi nods all the same. Bodhi still doesn’t turn to look at him and Cassian wants nothing more to see, wants nothing more than to have Bodhi look at him, all of him-the real him.  
  
“Should you be telling me this?” Cassian asks, heart in his throat. He makes sure his voice is neutral, wiped clean of any and all emotion. Bodhi’s quiet, unnaturally still as though he’d been carved from stone. Cassian swallows once and then reaches out, hand hovering over Bodhi’s shoulder, dropping it a minute later. Bodhi finally turns to look at him, slow and cautious.  
  
“I probably shouldn’t say this, but I trust you.” Bodhi whispers. His voice is calm, quiet and even tone. It’s his eyes that betray him. They’re bursting with emotion; rage cascading into a snowstorm of terror. Bodhi tilts his head to the side, and lava pools from his brown irises.  
  
“I trust you,” he says again. But all Cassian can hear is the blood rushing to his ears. Everything’s too much and too little at the same time. His emotions bubble up inside his throat until all Cassian can do is say what he believes to be the truth.  
  
“You shouldn’t. Bodhi, you really shouldn’t trust me.”   
  
_

* * *

   
They enter Jedha and Cassian breathes in his bitter emotions, corrals them deep into his chest and tries to forget about them. He doesn’t forget it all the way, but Cassian’s good at pushing what he wants to forget. They get into the city with little trouble, a couple of smiles, a smooth transfer of credits, and they walk in the square, eyes peeled for Saw’s insurgents. He outlines the plan to Jyn, eyes flickering from person to person.

  
“Hope? You’re basing this on hope?” Jyn asks, amusement and confusion coloring her tone. Cassian looks at her, and smiles, tight, with little emotion bleeding into his eyes.  
  
“Yeah,” he says, memories freefalling into his mind, “rebellion are built on hope.”  
  


* * *

   
_It’s months later when they finally see each other again. Exhaustion nips at their heels, tantalizing and all encompassing. Death stalks them, hand constantly wrapped around their necks. Cassian refuses to look back, refuses to do anything but stare ahead. But sometimes, under the cover of night, hidden under his blanket and darkness, Cassian thinks about dark brown eyes and warm fingers._

_  
They don’t meet until months later, days bleeding into one another until Cassian can barely remember what time of month it is. They meet, in the same seedy bar, in the same planet, in the same system and a part of Cassian, the part of him that screams optimism and superstition says it’s a sign.  
  
Bodhi turns to look at him, eyes dull with exhaustion. They’re flat, empty pools of darkness that sets Cassian’s teeth on edge. Without a word the two of them head towards the door and out to Bodhi’s ship. They sit down in silence, a moment to catch their breaths and realize that the other is right there with them.  
  
“Your name,” Bodhi begins, voice as quiet and as harsh as the wind that blows around them, “it’s not Joreth, is it.” He’s not asking a question but Cassian shakes his head all the same. Bodhi doesn’t say anything for a while, scrutinizing Cassian’s profile. Cassian doesn’t turn to look at him, doesn’t betray a single emotion on his face, even though his body is tense and waiting for Bodhi’s next reaction.  
  
“I see,” is all Bodhi says, gentler than before.  
  
“Do you,” Cassian bites out, jaw clenched but still not looking at Bodhi, “do you see?” Bodhi laughs once, a sound ripped straight out of his vocal cords. It’s painful, hysterical and so very sad and Cassian closes his eyes.  
  
“You’re not as good of a liar as you think you are.” Is all Bodhi says, and a hand, tentative yet resolute, touches his own. Cassian looks down at it, breath caught in his throat before looking up at Bodhi. He’s smiling at him, soft and warm like when they’d first met and Cassian can’t help but mirror it, turning his hand and interlocking their fingers. Bodhi pulls his hand and Cassian willingly falls into the other man’s arms.  
  
He knows he’s a fool, but he’s already fallen, and a part of him doesn’t regret it.  
  
_

* * *

   
“Is this all because of your pilot?” Jyn says, taking in the tense atmosphere of Jedha. Cassian doesn’t say anything, refuses to acknowledge the pang in his chest. His eyes roam around him, taking in slowly growing number of insurgents, the way civilians hurry passed them, head down and hands into fists. Cassian swallows and grabs Jyn, moving her away from the two men in front of her. He glances down and sees the robe the man is wearing, before glancing at his companion and he nods, recognizing them instantly. The man’s smile widens, sightless eyes closing and he hums.

  
“My, my, my, what a hurry you are in,” the man says, voice soft, but with a clear undercurrent of anger. Cassian grits his teeth and walks away.  
“You’ll find,” the man’s voice carries on after them, “that the people of NiJedha may not be so accommodating to outsiders. Not anymore.” Cassian keeps walking, ignoring Jyn’s curious glance.  
 

* * *

   
_“I’m from NiJedha.” Bodhi says one day. They’re sitting in front of his ship again, in a far-off planet that neither one of them expected to see the other in, but they’re there-together and neither one of them would have it any other way.  
_

_“Oh?” Cassian answers, even though his heart plummets with the knowledge. Bodhi nods, and a smile plays on the edges of his lips. He taps his wrist. Once. Twice. Three times. Before stilling abruptly and Cassian hesitantly takes hold of one of Bodhi’s hands, finger caressing the scars and ridges that line his fingers.  
  
“It’s beautiful,” Bodhi says again, eyes distant and hand slowly tightening around Cassian’s, “or, at the very least it used to be. My mother,” he coughs, voice thick with suppressed tears, “she used to say NiJedha welcomes all people. I wonder if that was one of its downfalls.” He suddenly shakes his head, letting out a wet laugh and swallows. Bodhi turns to Cassian, eyes deep and warm like a soft blanket.  
  
“Where are you from?” Bodhi asks, and then, “if you want to say that is.”  
  
Cassian knows he shouldn’t say, knows that he should nip this in the bud right there. But he wraps his arms around the other man, pulls him close and breathes the absolute truth into Bodhi’s neck.  
  
“Fest, I’m Cassian Andor of Fest.”  
_  

* * *

   
It’s quiet, tension building, as civilians and insurgents alike hurry around them. The only sound Cassian can hear is his own breathing, rhythmic and slow, managing to ground him as he assesses the situation. Some insurgent moves, shadows clinging to their form and Cassian hurriedly moves for cover.

It’s silent. For a second. Two. And Cassian takes a deep breath, readying his blaster, and motioning Jyn to do the same.  
  
_“NiJedha is not as welcoming as it used to be,’ Bodhi whispers, grief and rage filtering into his voice._  
  
Blaster fire cascades around them, hitting imperial troops and civilians alike. Screams light up the bright day, terror filled and shaky, as fire erupts from every bomb that explodes. Cassian can’t hear anything beyond his breathing, managing to stay hidden from both groups. He refuses to get involved-not unless it’s necessary.  
  
His plan is ruined by a young child and Jyn’s compassion. She saves the kid and Cassian makes a snap judgement to save them both. The insurgent falls, a blaster to his chest and a bomb clatters to the floor, blowing up insurgents and Stormtroopers alike. Cassian takes a second to close his eyes and whisper a prayer. He’s made his choice: a life for two. He keeps going, hands steady and breathing even, like he always does.  
  
Cassian is unsurprised to see Kay there. The droid never truly listens to any of his orders, only following the ones he decided weren’t “utterly terrible.” He’s even more unsurprised that they’d been unable to bluff passed the Stormtroopers. Kay never could lie. No, what surprises him is the unexpected help from the men from before. The one that had spoken to him earlier, turns and grins. It’s cold, a showing of teeth more than an actual smile. The man (Chirrut, he introduces himself) sits atop of a Stormtrooper and nods at them.  
    
“I told you before, captain,” his smile grows wider as though he could sense Cassian’s surprise, “NiJedha isn’t all that welcoming to outsiders.” Cassian doesn’t reply.  
  


* * *

   
_The first time they kiss, it’s under the cover of night. They meet up more often now, both pretending it’s by coincidence when they know it’s not. Cassian tells himself that it makes sense for him to spend so much time in that star system-that imperial activity is always high in the outer rim. Empty justifications meant to hide the truth, but Cassian clings to them all the same._

_They never talk about what either of them do, dancing around the issue to the point where it’s just ridiculous. Cassian wonders when the topic will come up, wonders when the bruises and cuts that adorn Bodhi’s body will cease to exist. Every time he asks, Bodhi shuts him down with single minded focus, body tense and eyes cold and dark like space. Cassian learns to never mention it.  
  
The first time they kiss, it’s raining. A harsh, torrential down pour that would have normally sent Cassian inside, but Bodhi looks up and laughs. It’s carefree, soft and warm in a way that sends tingles down Cassian’s spine. He finds himself laughing along with him, until they’re the only two in the rain, laughing like fools.  
  
“Bodhi Rook,” he manages to say between chuckles, “you are something else.” Bodhi chuckles once, before he stops. Cassian tilts his head and suddenly Bodhi’s a lot closer. His breath catches in his throat, pulse roaring in his ears. Cassian glances down at Bodhi’s lips and then back, taken aback by the incredibly fond look in the other man’s face.  
  
“You know,” Bodhi breathes, “I never noticed how brown your eyes are.” Cassian breath hitches and then he kisses him, desperate and with an emotion that he refuses to name.  
  
His heart burns when Bodhi begins to kiss back just as hard, and just as desperate. It’s as though they’re in their own bubble, cocooned in a bed of safety. Cassian presses closer to him, presses himself against the man he’s not sure is even real anymore. He moans into the kiss, pulling Bodhi closer and closer until there’s no space between them. His hands roam over Bodhi’s face, down to his shoulders, over the imperial mark on his arm.  
  
Cassian steps away from him, breathing hard and shaking.  
  
“We can’t do this, Bodhi.” He says, ice cold and trembling, “we can’t. Not when you’re working with them and I’m-” Cassian cuts himself off and shakes his head. “We can’t do this.”  
  
_

* * *

   
“There is more than one sort of prison, Captain.” Chirrut says, voice calm and quiet like a breeze. It’s somber, a chilling caress on Cassian spine, “I sense you carry yours wherever you go.” Cassian closes his eyes and doesn’t respond, even though the words ring in his ears. He turns away from the two of them and stares ahead, attempting to devise a plan that would get them out of there. 

“Who’s the one in the next cell?” Chirrut asks, head tilted the side. His voice sounds troubled, a steady mix of confusion and dawning horror. Cassian slowly makes his way to the other side of their cell and watches as Baze looks in.

“He’s an imperial pilot! I’m going to kill him!” Baze hisses and Cassian shoves him out of the way, a rushed “we need him!” leaving his mouth.  
“Are you the pilot?” He asks, before looking into the barred window. The man turns to him and Cassian can’t help the strangled sound that leaves his lips.  
  
“Bodhi?” It’s a choked off whisper, a faint murmur of disbelief, horror and bittersweet happiness.  
  
“Bodhi?” He asks again, voice cracking. The person in front of him doesn’t answer.  
 

* * *

   
_They don’t talk about what happened that night, how their lips tingled with every shift, how their hands roamed to finally feel and cling to the other. They don’t speak about how sometimes their fingers brush and all they want to do is hold on and never let go. Sometimes, under the cover of night, Cassian finds himself thinking about dark brown eyes and soft lips, shuddered breaths and a faint moan of his name. He doesn’t talk about the way his own lips curved around Bodhi’s name, the hush of desire that fills him every time he sees the other man._

_  
They don’t talk about it, even though they still meet, even though they still talk like they’re old friends. Cassian refuses to acknowledge the way his own heart squeezes with affection every time Bodhi laughs, or how his lips curl into a smile every time Bodhi becomes particularly animated.  
  
They don’t talk about it, even though their lungs burn with thousands of questions and undeclared promises. It goes on like this for a while, both of them dancing around each other, until finally it bursts.  
  
“I love you,” Bodhi whispers one day, fingers tapping on his wrist, “I love you and you don’t have to say it back. But I do, love you.” Bodhi looks at Cassian, his fingers drumming on his wrist faster and faster as the silence stretches on.  
_ _  
“Bodhi,” Cassian breathes, taking a step forward and then back. His hand rises, reaching for Bodhi’s, before he drops it back down to his side. The silence stretches on._ _  
_

_“Bodhi, you know we can’t-”_

_“Cassian, I said you don’t have t-”_

_“I think it’d be best for the both of us if we just stopped talking to one another.” Cassian says, voice firm and eyes cold. His heart screams in his chest, lungs constricting. He’s so cold in that moment, wanting nothing more than to fall into Bodhi’s embrace again. But he won’t. He refuses._

_“What?”_ _  
_

_“We can’t do this. Not anymore. Bodhi, I’m sorry.” Cassian takes another step back, and tries to force himself to breathe normally._ _  
_

_“Why?” Bodhi whispers, his voice breaks and a part of Cassian dies in that moment. Bodhi steps closer to him and Cassian forces himself to take a step back.  
_ _  
“Bodhi, we just can’t.”_ _  
_

_“If this about me saying I love you, I can take it back. I can take it-”  
  
“Bodhi-”  
_ _  
“It was too much. I’ll take it back, just don-”_ _  
_

_“BODHI!” Cassian yells, shocking the other man into silence. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe passed the lump in his throat, it doesn’t work. “We can’t do this. You know we can’t.” A hand touches his face and Cassian’s eyes snap open. Bodhi’s in front of him, so warm and inviting and Cassian wants nothing more than to collapse in his arms and never let go.  
_ _  
He stands still._ _  
_

_“Tell me to go and I will,” Bodhi whispers, hand still on his cheek. Cassian swallows and looks into deep brown eyes.  
_ _  
‘How can I, when you’re everything?’ Cassian’s breath shudders and he turns his face to nuzzle Bodhi’s palm._ _  
_  

* * *

   
“Bodhi, listen to me. Listen Bodhi, come back to me. You’re the pilot, right?” Still, Bodhi doesn’t answer, rocking slightly in his seat, hands slowly rising to clench his hair. A sound fills the cell, a horrible mixture of sobs and laughter and Cassian grits his teeth.

  
“Bodhi,” he doesn’t care that his voice cracks, that it’s shaky and vulnerable, “Bodhi, listen to me please. Are you in there?” Still no answer. Cassian grits his teeth to swallow the strangled scream. 

“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Cassian turns around and asks the two men in the cell. They’re silent for a moment before Chirrut speaks up, voice tinged with sorrow and pity.  
  
“Bor Gullet. I’m sorry, but he may not all be there.” Cassian doesn’t even dignify the man’s answer with a response because he’ll be damned if Bodhi’s lost.

“Hey, hey listen. Does the name Galen Erso mean anything to you?” Rage and desperation coat his voice, slimy and thick and Cassian refuses to acknowledge the tears that gather in his eyes. Bodhi breathes in once, a shuddered breath and the laughter stops. The silence that surrounds them is oppressive, thick and angry.  
  
“Yes,” Bodhi rasps at last, body curled in on himself, “yes-I-he’s a scientist.” He looks up at Cassian, large brown eyes boring into his own. They’re hazy, unfocused, but they’re there, alive and well and Cassian can’t help but release a shuddered breath. 

“I’m the pilot,” Bodhi continues, voice frayed and fragile. Cassian can’t help the pleased smile that crosses his lips. Bodhi’s mouth moves, although no sound comes from his lips. Cassian doesn’t say anything, doesn’t disrupt whatever moment Bodhi needs. Bodhi looks down on the ground, fingers fluttering along the front of his imperial suit before he begins to tap his wrist. The familiar action soothes some of Cassian’s nerves, lets him know that Bodhi’s still in there. Bodhi looks up and Cassian can’t help but gasp.  
  
‘I’m here,’ his eyes gleam, bright and angry, ‘I’m here and alive.’ Fire burns behind them and Cassian had never seen anything more beautiful. Bodhi rakes a hand through his hair, and Cassian gets a look at the scars (old and new) along his wrist. His lips purse in agitation and horror.

‘What happened,’ he wants to ask, heart in his throat, ‘what happened since we saw each other last?’ Instead he asks where Erso is.  
  
“Eadu,” Bodhi gasps after some minutes of silence. He sits upright, eyes blazing, as though he’s waiting for Cassian to deny his claim, as though waiting for Cassian to call him a liar and Cassian’s lungs throb with that knowledge.

Cassian would never doubt Bodhi.  
  
“Eadu,” he repeats. And Bodhi smiles, shaky and unbalanced, but a smile nonetheless and Cassian can’t help the answering grin that slips across his face. He goes to say more, but the world shakes around them.  
 

* * *

   
_“I want to go,” Bodhi whispers, staring up at the stars. Cassian turns away from the sky and looks at Bodhi, takes in his half smile and the way the moon casts a glow on his face. It’s mesmerizing, watching the wind play with the strands of his hair, the way Bodhi’s eyes glimmer in starlight._

_  
“Where?” He breathes, sliding so close to Bodhi’s form, he can feel the other man’s body heat. Bodhi turns to Cassian and his smile grows wider, soft and raw, honest and so hopeful it takes Cassian’s breath away.  
_

_“There,” Bodhi points to the sky above them, smile becoming bittersweet, “I want to go there. But it’ll never happen. It can’t happen.” He laughs, hollow and Cassian just wants it to go away._

_“You could,” he whispers, taking Bodhi’s hand in his own, “if it’s you, you could do it.” Bodhi doesn’t say anything, merely rests his head on Cassian’s shoulder. They sit like that until the sun rises._

_Cassian had never been more rested.  
_  

* * *

 Time speeds up, the world breaking around them and Cassian turns away from Bodhi to open the cell, grabs the comms and barks at Kay to come and get him. The world shakes around them again and Cassian moves to go get Jyn before he stops. Turning, he looks at Bodhi, catches him holding onto the bars and staring at the destruction around him in disbelief and horror. Cassian swallows and walks over, his steps slower and more cautious.

  
“Go,” Chirrut says, smile no longer on his face, “go, we’ll grab your companion.” Cassian nods, grateful and hurries over to Bodhi.  
  
“Hey,” he says, hands fiddling with the lock before giving up and blasting it open, “let’s go, Bodhi.” The pilot stares at him, standing still and with an awful look on his face-as though he has some sort of idea about what’s happening around him, but he’s too terrified to make sure it’s true.  
  
“Bodhi,” Cassian says again, urgent and more than a little desperate, “come with me.” He holds out his hand, heart in his throat and Bodhi, slowly, cautiously, hopefully, reaches out and grasps Cassian’s hand.  
  
The world shakes around them, moaning in distress, and Cassian pulls Bodhi out of Gerrera’s cell and into the Jedhan sun, Jyn and the others catching up and then passing them. Bodhi stops, body rigid in disbelief and growing horror. 

 _“I’m from NiJedha,” Bodhi whispers head tilted to look at him. He smiles, slow and warm in a way that makes butterflies erupt in Cassian’s stomach, “it’s my home.”_  
  
Bodhi stands there, hand shaking in Cassian’s grasp as Jedha falls apart in front of them. Dirt and metal rain from the sky, black smoke rising in the horizon in front of him as Jedha collapses. Wind, furious and desolate, almost push the two of them to the grand, but they stand firm, Cassian trying to urge Bodhi to move, to do something more than just stand there with that hopelessly lost look on his face. 

“I’m too late,” Bodhi whispers, broken and defeated and Cassian feels his heart twinge in response. He stands in front of Bodhi, hands on the other man’s cheeks.

“Bodhi, listen to me. Listen!” Cassian twists Bodhi’s head gently to have the other man look at him, “we need to go. I’m sorry but we need to go.” Tears gather in Bodhi’s eyes, tears he won’t ever let fall. Cassian knows this, has seen it more than enough times to know what Bodhi’s exact reaction would be.  
  
“We have to go, Bodhi,” he says again, removing his hands from Bodhi’s face and instead grabbing his hands and pulling. “We have to go.” Bodhi follows along this time, although it’s slow, as though he’s weighed down. Cassian looks back and sees that Bodhi’s eyes never stray away from the large orb in the sky, his eyes stay locked on it, even as he runs with Cassian, lips twisting into a snarl. 

They climb onto the ship, and Cassian squeezes Bodhi’s hand once before hurrying towards Kay and helping him get them into hyperspace. They barely leave before the planet explodes into tiny pieces, scattered amongst the stars.  
NiJedha falls and Cassian knows for a fact that a piece of Bodhi withers and dies too.

 

* * *

  
_Bodhi staring up at the sky when Cassian joins him. There are more bruises, more scratches along his wrist and Cassian wants to ask, wants to demand answers but he doesn’t say anything. Bodhi wouldn’t tell him anyhow.  
_

_“My sister’s disappeared.” Bodhi whispers into the growing silence. “She just up and left my mother alone. As if I’m able to help her from where I am.” He cuts himself off with a laugh, hysterical and furious. Cassian doesn’t say anything, hand slowly interlocking with Bodhi’s own.  
  
“She left and now…now my mother’s alone but I can’t hate her. I don’t hate her for it. She’s made her choice I just…” Bodhi lets out a shuddered breath, his free hand raking through his hair.  
_

_“You just?” Cassian prompts. Bodhi turns to look at him, and Cassian sees how his sister’s departure is affecting him, sees it in his red rimmed and sunken eyes, the way his skin hangs over his cheekbones, gaunt and skeletal.  
  
“I just wish she’d let us know she was alright.” Bodhi whispers, before placing his head on Cassian’s lap. They stay like that, Cassian absent mindedly combing through Bodhi’s hair and humming a lullaby his mother used to sing to him. He keeps going long after Bodhi’s fallen asleep, fingers running through the other man’s hair. Cassian presses a soft kiss on Bodhi’s forehead and sighs.   
_  

* * *

They make it to Eadu, Bodhi joining him and Kay at the front of the ship. Bodhi talks the entire time, his speech pattern broken, curling around some words and dropping others entirely. There are times where he’d go to say something, but his tongue refuses to cooperate, unable to wrap around the letters and the words becoming a jumbled mess behind growing shame and frustration.  Cassian doesn’t point them out, Kay taking his lead. 

‘How long,’ he wonders, looking at Bodhi from the corner of his eye, ‘how long were you with Gerrera. How long until you thought he broke you?’ Cassian doesn’t say anything and they crash land on Eadu. Nodding at Bodhi to follow him, Cassian grabs his blaster and swallows the part of him that moans with grief.  
  
Bodhi speaks the entire way up the mountain, lips curving over certain words slowly, fumbling and losing others almost entirely. He continues speaking, and Cassian lets him, sure that it’s his way of destressing and coming to terms with what happens with him. Cassian can’t help but look over from time to time, noticing the burns along his neck, the dried blood around his temple. His eyes flicker down to the scars, along Bodhi’s wrists, both old and new, takes in the way that Bodhi stumbles more often than not, exhaustion clearly weighing him down.

“How long were you with him?” Cassian asks, the question tumbling out of him without his consent. Bodhi pauses on their trek, staring straight ahead of him as the rain pounded down around them. He doesn’t say anything; the only sound is their breathing and the rain. Bodhi turns, and Cassian is immediately forced to look into burning brown eyes, so dark they may as well be black. Fury, caution, and muted hope swirling in their depths. Cassian sucks in a deep breath, eyes not straying from Bodhi’s, unable to.  
  
“A while,” Bodhi answers at last, attempting be nonchalant and completely failing. Cassian can hear exactly what he’s saying, can hear the challenge in his statement.

Bodhi Rook has always been one of the strongest men he’s known. Cassian grins, bright and unrestrained relief coursing through him. His grin softens a moment later, setting into a smile that’s too warm on his face, but feels right in a way that it hadn’t in a long time.  
  
“Must’ve been a long while,” Cassian breathes, awed and astounded by the man in front of him. Bodhi shrugs his shoulders, a grin playing on his lips and Cassian can’t help but come closer to him.

“Bodhi Rook,” Cassian whispers, hushed and awed just like he was that night, eons ago, “you are something else.” And Bodhi smile widens, slow and bright like a star. Cassian had never seen something more beautiful.  
  
“I know you,” Bodhi whispers back, confused but still grinning. “I _know_ you.” The smile slips off Cassian’s face, suddenly feeling as cold as the rain pelting his back.

“Did you not know me before?”  
  
“Yes,” Bodhi licks his lips, “I mean, no. Yes? I-” Bodhi laughs once, shakes his head and sighs. “I, uh, eveything’s jumbled, I dunno. Things haven’t really fit right up here. I know who you are though, Cassian. I know. I just…things are missing. We’re friends, right?” Cassian smiles and nods, even though his heart weeps.

“Yeah Bodhi. We’re friends.”    
  


* * *

_The first time they make love is under a full moon. Cassian doesn’t even remember how they started, only that Bodhi’s said something funny and Cassian laughed like he’d never laughed before. That somehow the laughter stopped until they were just looking at each other, grins melting into smiles. He can’t say who made the first move, can’t explain what happened other than the fact that Bodhi was kissing him and Cassian could do nothing more than hold on for dear life.  
_

_It’s breathless, clumsy hands and shaky smiles giving way to choked off gasps and quiet moans of the other’s name. Cassian wraps his mouth around Bodhi’s cock, licks from the base to the tip and listens to his moans of pleasure from above. Cassian swears he’d never heard anything more beautiful.  
  
Bodhi’s the one that takes him, fucks him deep into the sandy beaches of a planet whose name Cassian can never again recall. Cassian lets himself go, lets himself fall into the abyss and wraps his body around Bodhi, breathing his name into the crook of the other man’s neck.  
  
‘I love you,’ he thinks, body shuddering as he orgasms, ‘I really do love you.’_

 

* * *

They make it to the top of the mountain, Cassian still attempting to process what he’d just learned. Bodhi points out Erso and Cassian shoves his dissenting thoughts, his unnecessary emotions, to the back of his mind and gets to work. He crouches down low into the dirt, configures his sniper and looks through the lens at his target. Galen Erso would die tonight and Cassian Andor would be the one responsible for killing him.  
  
Maybe if he says it enough times it would sound okay.

He doesn’t look up as he orders Bodhi to head back down, refusing to have him, of all people, witness what he’s about to do.  
  
“You’re going to kill him,” Bodhi whispers, voice rough in ways that make Cassian’s limbs burn, “you are, aren’t you?” Cassian refuses to turn around, doesn’t say anything, knowing that if he does either of those things, he’ll brake.

‘Please,’ he thinks, gaze ahead and mouth in thin line, ‘please just go down.’  
  
“Cassian,” Bodhi whispers and dear god his hand, so warm and safe and Bodhi touches his shoulder and Cassian can’t do anything but release a shuddered moan. 

“Bodhi,” he whispers, turning to finally look at the man, “please, just go back down to Kay.” Bodhi looks at him, stares at him for so long, eyes clearly searching for something. Cassian’s not entirely sure what the other man sees, but he steps closer, hand rising from his shoulder to rest on his cheek.  
  
Cassian stops breathing.  
  
“Cassian,” Bodhi whispers (and kriff does he not realize what his proximity is doing?). Bodhi doesn’t say anything else, merely pins him with a look from too large eyes. He turns around and heads back down to the ship. Cassian can still feel Bodhi’s hand on his cheek.

Cassian crouches back down, refusing to acknowledge the way his hands. Erso is in his sights and Cassian lines up the shot, finger a hairs breath away from the trigger and stills. A second passes, two, and then a minute later Cassian understands exactly what his mind refuses to acknowledge.  
  


* * *

  
“ _You’re a good man,” Bodhi begins, both of them wrapped up in the other in front of Bodhi’s ship. Cassian doesn’t say anything in response, face buried in Bodhi’s hair. Bodhi’s fingers flutter along Cassian’s, pressing soft kisses on the knuckles.  
_

_“I mean it,” Bodhi continues, words forming against Cassian’s fingers, “you’re so brave and wonderful. Easily one of the kindest men I’ve met.” A shuddered gasp escapes Cassian and he holds Bodhi tighter, presses his chest against the other man’s back and lets himself go for the first time in decades.  
He cries in the arms of the only man he’d ever truly loved and Cassian can’t help but love Bodhi more for that.  
  
_

* * *

Galen Erso does not die by his hand. He dies by blaster fire, cradled in the arms of his most precious person as she weeps over his slowly growing cold body. Jyn blames him, blames the entire rebellion and spits it on him.  
  
“You might as well be a Stormtrooper,” she hisses, words dripping with hot acid and meant to hurt. He opens his mouth and speaks, words just as harsh, just as painful and raw. He can barely remember what he says, can barely remember anything beyond the rage that runs across his veins and the grief roaring in his ears.

“You’re not the only one who’s lost everything,” Cassian whispers, voice frozen, his eyes flicker to Bodhi and then back again, too quick for anyone to notice, “some of us just decided to do something about it.” He turns and walks away from everyone, hands balled up into fists. He sits down away from everyone, staring straight ahead of himself and willing the slight tremor in his hands away. 

Tears, hot and shameful, sting his eyes and Cassian pushes them back with practiced ease. The words Jyn had uttered, echoes in his ears and Cassian clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes, willing them away.

“You didn’t kill him.” A voice that Cassian would recognize anywhere, says rather than asks. Cassian opens his eyes to see Bodhi, sitting next to him. His body is tense, slightly curled in on itself, even though his chin is raised high, eyes looking at nothing but him. Bodhi knows the answer, but Cassian answers him anyway, the soft “no,” leaving his lips without him meaning to.

“Why?” Fingers tap his wrist, a rhythmic beat that is so familiar it makes Cassian’s chest ache. Bodhi is expressionless, face wiped clean, but his eyes…His eyes are a maelstrom of emotion: fury, elation, confusion and grief swirl around an emotion that Cassian can’t name. It melts his brown eyes, making them deeper and so dynamic that Cassian can’t help but stare.

“Why do we do anything?” He asks instead. Bodhi blinks, hair slowly falling into his face and Cassian feels his mouth go dry. He wants nothing more than to push Bodhi’s hair back, tuck it behind his ears and caress his cheek like he used to. Cassian’s eyes flicker down and he swallows. His hand rises, hovers over Bodhi’s own before falling back down to his side. Neither of them speak, not acknowledging the fact that they’d somehow gotten closer in the span of their conversation. They’re so close that Cassian can practically feel the heat emanating from Bodhi’s body. His fingers twitch and Cassian wants.

He always wants.  
  
Bodhi shrugs his shoulders, lips twisting into a half smile as he looks down at their hands. Slowly his hand rises and Bodhi traces invisible lines along the back of Cassian’s palm. Cassian swallows down his own gasp, swallows down the hurricane of emotions that threaten to overwhelm him.

  
‘Please,’ he thinks, hand squeezing Bodhi’s, ‘please let me keep just this one thing.’    
  


* * *

_Sometimes they don’t speak, their entire meet up consisting of wandering hands, a pressing of the lips, and a tight embrace. Sometimes, Cassian falls into Bodhi’s arms, wraps his hands around Bodhi’s waist and releases a breath he hadn’t know he was holding. Other times, Bodhi falls into his, shaking and terrified, tears cascading steadily down his face. They don’t speak about it, refusing to give a name to the rising tide of emotions within them. They just hold onto one another for dear life, praying to whatever they believe in that they keep this one thing.  
  
“Cassian,” Bodhi whispers, face buried in his chest, “promise me. Promise me we’ll try to hold onto this, for as long as we can.” Cassian swallows, nods, pressing his face into Bodhi’s hair.  
_

_  
“I promise.”  
  
_

* * *

They land and Cassian, after giving his report, quickly moves around the base to gain allies. He knows exactly what the council’s decision will be, just as he knows what Bodhi’s decisions will be. 

“I couldn’t face myself,” he says, glancing at Jyn, before staring straight at Bodhi, “if I gave up now. None of us could.” And Bodhi grins, sharp and unrestrained, bright and hot like a nebula and Cassian smiles back.

‘It’s beautiful,’ he thinks, staring at Bodhi’s grin and the tapping of his wrist, ‘like a shooting star, please let me keep this. Please.’  
  
They split up, each person going their separate ways to get ready. Bodhi heads to the ship, fingers already moving through the controls as Cassian enters. He watches him for a moment, takes in the smile (smaller but no less bright) still on his face, before sitting down in the co-pilot’s seat. Bodhi looks up, and Cassian swallows as fear, rage, hope and something else hits him with full force. Bodhi looks up at him and Cassian can’t help but push back some of the hair falling into Bodhi’s face, fingers lingering on his cheek.

“This is it,” Bodhi whispers, gaze never wavering from Cassian’s.  
  
“Yeah, I suppose it is.” Cassian replies, his eyes flickering down to Bodhi’s lips and back up again. Cassian’s fingers twitch beside him, desperately hoping to have something to hold onto.

“The chances of us dying is pretty high huh?” Bodhi says, more so to himself than Cassian. His fingers tap his wrist once. Twice. Three times. Before stilling and Bodhi takes a deep breath as though to steady himself. And then he’s kissing him, a simple press of the lips that burns Cassian’s soul.  
  
“Thank you,” Bodhi mouths against Cassian’s lips, neither one of them moving far enough away from the other. Neither one of them wanting to. “Thank you for believing in me.” The raw honesty in the statement fills Cassian’s lungs, thick and sugary like honey. Bodhi smiles and caresses Cassian’s cheek, awe visible in his eyes.

“I wanted to, just in case we do-”  
  
“I get it.”  

Bodhi grins at him, and presses his lips back onto Cassian’s, warm and sure and Cassian can’t help but hold Bodhi tighter to himself.  
  
‘I love you,’ he thinks, fingers wrapping around Bodhi’s hair as they kiss, ‘I’ve always loved you.’    
  


* * *

_“Do you believe in fate?” Bodhi asks one day. Cassian turns to look at him, head tilted to the side as he contemplates the question._

_“Sometimes, why?”  
_

_“Well, it couldn’t have been a coincidence that we kept showing up in the same planets now could it?” Bodhi says, head looking up at the sky above them. Cassian lays down next to him and looks up at the stars as well.  
  
“I guess not,” he begins, “maybe some people are just fated to meet.”  Bodhi smiles, hand reaching out and grasping his own.  
_

_“Like soulmates? My mama used to talk about those all the time. I thought it was just a myth, a story she’d tell me and my sis just to keep us entertained.” Bodhi looks at him and his eyes twinkle with amusement and fondness, “Maybe you’re my soulmate, Cassian.”  
  
“What an honor,” he says, chuckling softly at Bodhi’s boisterous laughter.  
_  

* * *

Bodhi bluffs them into Scarif, landing them onto one of the launch pads. Cassian pats him on the back and turns to the other soldiers.

“Make ten men feel like a hundred,” he tells them, hope burning in his chest. They let out a soft cheer and Cassian smiles.  
  
A hand touches his shoulder and then his hand and Cassian turns his head to see Bodhi, looking equal parts terrified and determined. Cassian nods at the other man, turning around to walk away lest he does something the both of them regret (like kissing him in a room full of people). Before he could leave, however, Bodhi’s hand tightens on his shoulder and Cassian turns around into a hug.  
  
“Stay safe,” Bodhi whispers, voice trembling, “we made a promise.” Cassian steps out of the hug and nods, eyes flickering down to Bodhi’s lips and then back up again. He takes a step back, before walking right back into Bodhi’s embrace, tightening his grip.

“I will,” he breathes into Bodhi’s neck, the phrase heavy with emotion, “I will.”    
  


* * *

War is simple; it’s a hunger that gorges itself upon the fallen. It’s emptiness, both hot like lava and cold like a snowstorm. He’s used to the way it rips apart people into small bite sized pieces until there’s nothing left of them but particles in the wind. Cassian understands war, understands its simplicity, its need. He’s lived it his entire life. But this is different. Different in a way that’s no less challenging but just as terrifying. He’s fighting for more than an abstract idea, for more than the livelihood of individuals he’d never meet. He’s fighting for more than himself, more than the empty cosmos around them. He’s fighting for Bodhi.

Cassian ignores the way his heart speeds up at the mere mention of the man, ignores the way his hands become clammy, or the way his breathing grows irregular. He moves forward. For the rebellion, the hope, and Bodhi Rook.  
 

* * *

_“I love you,” Bodhi whispers to him one day. It’s dark, both of them naked except for the blanket Cassian placed over them. They’re lying on Bodhi’s cot, shoved to the back of his cargo ship, both of them staring up at the ships ceiling, when Bodhi says it. Cassian lets out a shuddered breath, hand stilling in Bodhi’s hair._

_“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. That’s where I’m at still.” Bodhi says, still not looking at him. Cassian sits up, pulling Bodhi up to look at him.  
  
“Bodhi,” he breathes, fingers caressing the other man’s cheek. “Bodhi.”  
  
_

* * *

Kay falls first, going down with a shower of blaster fire and a mournful “goodbye.” Cassian’s mouth stays closed, even as his lungs screams with denial. He leans against the door Kay had locked him and Jyn and gives himself a minute to quietly fall apart. He takes a deep breath once. Twice. Three Times. Before moving away from the door and continuing his mission.  
  


* * *

  
_He kisses him, biting and gentle in equal measure, attempting to press his emotions into Bodhi’s lips, give it a name that he can’t articulate._

_“Bodhi,” he breathes onto the other man’s lips, “Bodhi, what makes you think I could ever not love you?”  
  
_

* * *

  
The static on the other end rips Cassian’s heart in two. He tries to call his name again; tries anything he can think of to get Bodhi to respond back. All that he’s met with is more static and Cassian can’t help but wonder if this is the moment where he too falls. He’s hit on his back, falls onto several beams, body shuddering once before going still. 

* * *

_  
“I love you Bodhi Rook,” Cassian whispers, holding the other man’s face in his hands. Bodhi looks up at him, brown eyes wide and lips parted in surprise and an overwhelming amount of love for him: Cassian.  
  
“I love you Cassian Andor,” Bodhi whispers, trembling hands covering his own. Cassian smiles, slow but wide and replies.  
_

_“I love you, Bodhi Rook.”  
_  

* * *

He shoots Krennic in the chest, holding himself upright through sheer force of will. Jyn holds him up, eyes widening when she notices something on his face. She presses a hand to his cheek, moving it away and only then does Cassian realize he’s crying, open and honest in a way he hadn’t been allowed to be with anyone other than Bodhi. He gasps and suddenly it’s like a damn has been let loose. Jyn holds him close, but all Cassian can see, all he can feel his Bodhi’s body pressed into his, his fingers tapping his wrist in succession and the smile that lit up the entire universe. Cassian Andor closes his eyes and pretends Bodhi is on the other side waiting for him.

* * *

_  
They meet that night, in a seedy bar in the middle of nowhere. Cassian is sitting alone, a drink in his hand and painfully annoyed. That’s when he sees him, sitting amongst other people, laughing as though he has no trouble in the world. He’s just another guy, grinning and laughing in a way that makes Cassian smile._

_Their eyes lock, a glance, a whisper of something. Cassian turns away and then he’s there, a twitch of his fingers, a cough to clear his throat and then he smiles. It’s slow, rippling across his face and lighting his eyes. It’s soft, unguarded and so honest that it makes Cassian’s heart twinge._

_“Hi,” he says, confident, “I’m Bodhi.” He holds out his hand, warm and steady. Cassian feels his lips curl into a grin, feels a part of him relax. He shakes the hand, but doesn’t let go, merely pulling the other man closer._

_“Hi,” he breathes, a flicker of interest unfurling in his belly, “I’m Cassian.”  
  
_

* * *

 He wakes to beeping, the sounding coming to him in slow and steady waves. Groaning once in pain, Cassian opens his eyes wide before shutting them again.

“Ah! You’re awake!” A voice exclaims, before coming into his field of vision. They’re banged up, scratched and burned but alive and Cassian can’t help the choked off sob that escapes him. He raises his hand to rest on Bodhi’s cheek, marveling at the way the other man leans into the contact.

“I love you,” Cassian breathes, the words burning in throat, “I love you and you don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.” Bodhi grins, bright and beautiful in a way that makes Cassian’s heart ache.  
  
“I love you too, Cassian.”  


End file.
